New Logo for RESET MOM – R.ecovery / R.eality E.ating S.elf Esteem E.motions T.angible • M.ind O.ver M.atter

It’s been about two years, since I first started RESET MOM. The experience of a lifetime. 🙌🏽🦋

Facilitating Sunday’s healing circles, meeting women that step out of isolation and find comfort in sharing, has been empowering and healing. 
✨Feeling seen and heard✨ are two things we will deny ourselves within the shackles of our eating disorder. 

With time, I wanted to create a new logo, that would represent not only the women healing in this circle, but also the motivation, courage, and the trust this mental health platform brought with time. 

When recreating, I had a few things I needed to keep in mind this time around: it had to be representative of what I have taken away throughout these two years. 

It needed to show the strength (in connection and speech) and the commitment that comes with „just showing up“. The logo needed to feel like a shield, but also like a hug. 🙂 

Stepping away from blackandwhite , I chose brown tones. (This now also being cohesive with the website. ) 

The typography chosen, highlights the absence of life’s value, when battling (an) eating disorder(s). 

The „E“ is the acronym of „Eating“ and „Emotions“. 
Choosing to use the E backwards, creates a sense of detachment of the power they both hold, reflecting on the mental battlefield we carry with us. 

Image: Flexing Afro Sis, is representing all black women healing and cheering each and every black woman on! 🤎

I hope you like it! 🦋 

Mia opened her mouth and swallowed me whole as I wait for her to spit me out

I can’t believe how fast this last week went. Almost the middle of this first month of the year and I already have had episodes that I’m not proud of. Not wanting to magnify nor minimize the incidents, I am allowing myself to learn hard from my throw backs, getting up weakened and with new energy to defeat either Mia and Ana before they have a chance to attack me from behind and take me down.

It’s hard – damn hard without having a safe place to speak aloud and make wind of the negative energy inside. Some days I allow Ana to control my actions just to face the embrace of Mia on the other side.

This week has been harder on me, then any other week since I exited rehab after 4 months. My mind in limbo, my thoughts loose and my emotions going haywire.

I need to grasp a routine again and not become slave to father time as I feel it sucking LIFE out of my veins. At this rate, I will become older then my soul, finding myself in a glass cube with water running from the bottom up.

This needs to stop.

My Monday has shifted into a day like every other, when being proud of my recovery was the HOPE I had been looking forward to for years passing.

I cycle that feels like I’m a hamster in a wheel at times, I’m secretly planning my escape and would rather stop movement then let it destruct me, leaving Mia and Ana to eat my dust!

Happy New Year 2016 to all my magical friends, fairies and believers

Today is the first Monday of the year 2016 and what a great start it’s been already! I haven’t had one urge to binge nor purge, although let me tell you; New Years Eve was one fun drink and dance fest!! Not waking up with a hangover and being fully functional, made me quickly realize that my choice of celebrating into the year was indeed a choice well decided.

Unlike any other year, beginning this year on a positive note has been quite easy, when reflecting on what I have accomplished in 2015:

I managed to finally take the step in my life that would change my future forever, by seeking help and giving Mia and Ana a good kick in the rear end (!), I gained strength (and A LOT OF weight) that allows me to extend my endurance, I moved to Berlin, started an amazing new job and have allowed people to get closer to me, that seamed to be an issue ever since I left my family of friends in SFlo.

I am happy and know how blessed I am to have the life I have with every individual in it. There is not much more I could wish for.

At the end of the rainbow, 2015 was my year. I have emotionally danced under stars, boogied under the moon and have laughed so hard that my tummy hurt (numerous times!)

There is so much I will still learn, experience and be thankful about, when all I can say is:

Life is grand as a Unicorn ❤

(hver hefur sinn djöful að draga)

My count has silenced…

Xmas turned out to not be as merry as I hoped and much more difficult then expected.

Christmas eve was spent over the toilet, due to way too much wine and too little to eat. (strike one) The next evening we were out and about most of the day, visiting the extension of the family on mom’s side, leaving little to eat for me (not vegan and gluten free), with having me craving any and everything as soon as we got home. Of course the voice just got louder the moment everyone went to be and I was alone. (strike two)

Strike three came to no real surprise to me as I was obviously already on a roll and figured “why not?!”

Shit shit shit!!! Mia took me through a hell of a ride during one of the happiest holidays I had this year!! SHIT!!!

And this is where the poem comes in that I have posted beneath. It is another symbol of change and that words can make such a strong statement that I want to share with you.

The Day for Firsts: A Poem to the New Year.

It was going to be one of those good years.

I went down to the ocean today,

and for the first time ever,

I could actually hear it,

 

the lapping of each wave washing up on the rocky shore.

 

I took off my shoes and I stood there

on a grassy bluff above the sea,

and for the first time ever,

I could actually feel it,

 

each individual blade of grass underfoot as it grew.

 

I looked out to the sky in front of me

and for the first time ever,

I could actually see it,

 

the sun, feeding everyone of us its light.

 

I closed my eyes and I inhaled,

as the mighty ocean breeze swirled around me,

and for the first time ever,

I could actually smell it,

 

the sweet fragrance of the universe in every cellular speck of air.

 

I turned to my lover and I kissed him,

and for the first time ever,

I could actually taste it,

 

how love moves effortlessly between two souls.

 

Ocean, alive.

Earth, alive.

Sky, alive.

Air, alive.

Love, alive.

 

and here I was standing in front of another new year,

very much,

alive.

 

And for the first time ever,

I could actually sense it,

in each one of my bones there was a whispering,

‘it’s going to be a good one,

dear.’

Wishing you all a magical start into the new year, may your goals come true ❤

I am blessed with a sister that is an angel.

My Monday’s are holy to me. My sister re-reminded me of that, during her Sunday night which was my Monday morning. She went out of her way to let me know how important I am to her and that I was the very one that was inspiring to her, although most of the time I do see it a bit differently. Although I know that with each week, I am showing MiAna the middle finger, I appreciate the love and support from the outside, reassuring me that I am stronger then the week before and more of a human I have wanted to be, then ever before. But I have indeed asked myself more then once, what these numbers might mean, that I have been continuously  counting for so long. And this is when my sister sent me the answer…

ANGEL NUMBER 42

Number 42 is made up of a combination of the attributes and energies of number 4 and number 2. Number 4 brings the vibrations of practical thinking, security and building solid foundations for ourselves and others, inner-wisdom and patience, application and productivity.  Number 4 also relates to our passions and what motivates and drives us in our lives.  The number 2 carries the qualities of partnerships and relationships, duality, service and duty to others, balance and harmony, adaptability, diplomacy and co-operation, consideration and receptivity.  Number 2 also relates to your Divine life purpose and soul mission.

Angel Number 42 is a message from your angels about pursuing your passions and life purpose.  When you do things you love, and put your heart and soul towards achieving your goals, the angels give you guidance and assistance every step of the way.

The repeating Angel Number 42 is a message from your angels indicating that you are to maintain faith and trust, and know that your prayers have been heard and are being answered.  Your angels are working very closely with you and are assisting with achieving your success.  You are encouraged to reach out for help from them whenever you feel the need.

Angel Number 42 also encourages you to pursue your ideal career and/or profession.  If you are intuitively prompted to begin or expand a spiritually-based career, practice or profession, the angels will assist with establishing the foundations that will lead to your desired results and ultimate success.  Working to serve others will manifest all that you want and need in your life.

http://goo.gl/o1Z7CC

Bottom line, I’m blessed. My baby sister once again showed me that she loves me dearly and that no matter how I feel about myself, I’m worth much more then I allow myself to believe. Because the angels told me so… 

Week 41 – my fight, my song. I love my life.

I missed writing last week. Yet to my defense, I must say, it was one crazy week! I started a new job on Monday (mabsoot!!) and have been literally striving to get the hang of everything without being too overwhelmed. I actually succeeded for the most part. Mid week I realized that I was slipping when it came to my meal intakes and having a enormous craving when getting home late evening. But at least I recognized  it and this leaves room for change. Which I did for the second half of the week.

What I have noticed, is with not applying what Miana gave me, I have more time to work and think, without being completely drained from either starving,vomiting or both , which allows me to actually recognize when I am naturally beat from mental stress.

I chose the following song to  represent what I feel and how strong I know I am, and how little I will let the world around effect me.

Today I am stronger then I have been in quite some while and am blessed for new steps I am taking in the right direction

xx

“Fight Song”

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years
I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song (Hey!)
Take back my life song (Hey!)
Prove I’m alright song (Hey!)
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong (I’ll be strong)
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

No I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Week 39 – I stopped telling myself that I’m lost…

I stopped telling myself that I’m lost.

I’m not.

I’m on a road with no destination, I’m just driving with hope that I’ll find a place that I like and I’ll stay there.

I’m not lost, I’m on my way.

I haven’t been updating like I had intended when I first started with this blog. This was suppose to reflect my journey, which I would seriously dedicate myself to and become stronger through the path that I am choosing to be on. Last week I let life get in way of sitting down and writing from my heart. Today I’m welcoming back this dedication, I had laid away on the shelf to come to REALization that this is important.

Last night is when I made another great step. For the first time in a very very long time, I slept only in my underwear. I accepted my body NOT being cover in unnecessary clothing to “hide” what I myself had not comes to terms with accepting myself. For weeks I haven’t slept that good 🙂 This journey I am on is so much more then just life. This is a path to SELF love and acceptance and embracing the reflection and becoming whole.

And then I saw something today that turned another important page in my chapter.

This is a story about Megan, who defeated Ana and has accepted her beauty! :

http://rtlnext.rtl.de/cms/ex-magersuechtige-will-frauen-mut-machen-megan-wog-knapp-30-kilogramm-2532097.html?poweredby=rtlaktuell

I am grateful for those that share their journey, like I , with the word. Through this, we create an important web, a network of unique individuals that have turned from caterpillars, to butterflies ❤

 

When you have an army of love to back you up – 37 weeks

I walked down the streets of Berlin this morning, happy that I made it another week in my fight against the voices, the shadows and the urges to give in. Last week I had a very interesting experience. I had went to the book store to find another good read, after I had finished my last book and the sequence wasn’t available. I picked a few and sat down to read the first chapter of all 4 books I had selected. One of which was the story of a woman my age that had fought bulimia and her story about it. Since I myself have had thoughts of writing a book and my experiences to help others, I figured that this might be enlightening and started reading. Well…. to not say too much, after the first chapter I felt an urge to welcome either Mia or Ana back into my life, feeling as if fighting them off was not allowing me to participate in “the fun” any longer. Not to bash the writer of the story, since any experience with Mia or Ana can never truly be a good one, but gosh, if I weren’t as far as I am now, then she might have actually convinced me! And this after just the FIRST chapter!

But back to me and why I’m posting this today. It’s been 37 weeks of holding my head high, laughing so much that my tummy starts hurting and mascara starts running down my face. I have found an army of love (within) to back me up. I have more energy then imagined, yet still have a slight crave at night, which does reflect on how much I had consumed during the day for my body not to be fully satisfied to get a good nights sleep. And have the voice of Mia start to whisper in my ear when I’m not paying any attention. There seams to be tons going on in my mind, but nothing that isn’t positive of thoughts that I don’t have control over. Thirty seven weeks and I still have so much further to go. As I welcome more structure into my life that will hopefully finally take place soon, I believe that my life, this fight will become much easier. Days where there is not much to do I find myself “overthinking” so much that only a good walk and observing my surroundings during, allows me to “snap back” and face the facts of now. Another thing that I have neglected, is writing into my diary. As I am writing this, I catch myself wondering if this might be the key to my nervousness and my unstructured way of thinking. After this post, I’ll give it a try and see how it feels to start releasing thoughts and emotions on paper again. (I’ll report back) 🙂

This is today.

“Look at the sparrows; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us literally live from moment to moment.”– Mahatma Gandhi

36 weeks – I am ok.

I took this picture a few days ago, because of it’s impact on me, yet unaware of the message behind “IAM OK”.

Today I celebrate another week in my fight against ED, Mia and Ana.

Today I want to share this image and the message behind it with you.

Today is a good day to have a great day and so with this I hope to inspire you as well:

About IAM OK: 

At a time when there arouse necessities through retouched advertising campaigns and an artificial ideal of beauty go together with chasing the most recent trend we found the right way to go:

We go iAMOK.

Who decides what’s beautiful?

Who is that one called “beautiful” and where can anyone find her/him?!

iAM WHAT iAM. iAMOK

Looking at beauty in its totality one can only realize:

“Beauty is an opposing yet correlating force.”

Beauty is in the observers eye. Without looking in awareness and cherishing all facets of beauty it’s hard to enjoy..

The iAMOK brand consciously toys with its double meaning.

Who doesn’t know the everyday question in front of the mirror:

iAMOK?

And who doesn’t know them, one of these days on which your supply cabinet is out of coffee and you just feel like:

iAMOK!!!

iAMOK compensates the compulsion of wrong ideals of beauty with modern style, a range for everyone, the honesty of “Berlin snout” and an attitude towards life of real liberty without social dictates.

Every person is beautiful in one’s own special way –

whether sporty or curvey,

coloured or white.

iAM WHAT iAM. iAMOK

http://iamok.berlin/

Snack on that MiAna!

Loving my body because it has finally allowed it to bleed again, granting me with discomfort, I am embracing it. After 2 1/2 long years of not experiencing this feeling and knowing that I have been neglecting my body, I see this as a sign now that my body and mind have now opened up to a new chapter. As I go through these mood swings and cramps, I acknowledge what I have been missing. The function of my body and this tiny bit that makes me “that much more” of a woman. I am NOT a pre-teen, and have not been there for a very long time now, yet my body was reacting as if it were. Not experiencing the monthly cycle forced me, menatlly, to believe that my body was too fragile and something was wrong enough not to be right. Things have changed. And as I have reached the 35th week in my recovery,starting a new chapter, I am forcing MiAna to hide. Forcing her to deal with this recovery and realizing that I am in deed stronger then she imagined I would be. – So :Snack on that!

“Blood this shed, for life is within me.” -Unicorn